Life without Parole

I can still remember – vividly – standing in a small room with my partner, surrounded by images of my ultrasounds and mammograms.  It was almost futuristic, with computers and screens covering every part of the darkened room.  I remember looking at those screens and seeing multiple tumors and spots – I was stunned and absolutely terrified. The Radiologist said, “5 years ago, this could have been a death sentence.”  Whoa, what?!  I wanted to scream.  He went on to explain that there had been many advances in the treatment of breast cancer recently and I had a good shot at being ok. Well, after hearing “death sentence”, pretty much everything else he said went in one ear and out the other at warp speed. Thankfully, a year later, my treatment was successful and I was granted a pardon.  My death sentence was commuted to Life, albeit, Life without Parole.  I say that because I will always be somewhat of a prisoner.  I’m still within that crucial 5 year timeframe when the chances of a recurrence are greatest, and, I won’t lie, I think about it every day.  Even though I try to keep a positive attitude and not let the fear rule me, I will be fearful of a recurrence for the rest of my life.  But, I’ve learned that a little fear can actually be a good thing.  It can be a motivator.  Whenever I start to get complacent about exercising, eating healthy, or just taking good care of myself, I think of that day in the dark room and my fear whispers to me, “never forget.”  My fear gets me to the gym and it gets me to take my meds.  It gets me to my follow up appointments and to eat things like maca root and chia seeds.  I’m trying to make fear my new friend.  So, although I may never fully escape my sentence of Life without Parole, I’ve decided to accept that and really focus on the Life part. Because, that’s what we all should really be afraid of – missing out on making the most of Life and the second chances we are given. That, my friends, would be the real death sentence.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Grandma's Guide to Good Beer

Reviews and revelations from a professional beer snob

WordCamp Tampa 2016

September 10-11, 2016

Undiagnosed Warrior

Be brave, little fighter. There's a warrior within you.

the little wolf hunter

Living with lupus, hunting for answers

This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

courage grace and humor

surviving and thriving after cancer


One woman and her positive way to tackle chronic pain

(Not) Another Lupus Blog

A lupus blog featuring cats, glitter, and other important things.


living with lupus, day by day, moment by moment

Seta Health

Empowering you to live your healthiest life

Author, ranter, dad

The DailyJunior Blog

Writing Dog By Dog: Stories of Connection

Life Despite Lupus

Change is not a dirty word/ Motivation for lupus warriors


choose HOPE not FEAR !... My journey through my battle with breast cancer.

Excel Exposure

Free Online Excel Training!

Sick and Sick of It

But Still Living The Life


True Life Revealed From Every Angle

Tammy Carmona

Living Life With Metastatic Breast Cancer

%d bloggers like this: