Writing a wrong

For as long as I can remember, I have written about my feelings and experiences (and some days, thanks to lingering chemo brain and Lupus fog, remembering is quite a challenge for me!) But, I’ve noticed something about my musings. I rarely write when I’m happy or in a good emotional spot in my life – I mostly write when something is wrong. I don’t know why, but the words come much easier when my heart is breaking then when it’s full of warm and fuzzy feelings. Oh, I can wax poetic with the best of them over the love of my life or my angelic (most of the time) children, but what really gets my pen moving on the paper (or now, my fingers tapping on the keyboard) are the hard times. And, I have had my share of hard times. I guess it’s one of my best, and oldest, coping mechanisms.  So, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, a good friend of mine gave me a pretty little blank journal and I used it to write about my journey.  I look back at it now and am able to see what a terrifying and life-altering time I managed to live through.  It’s a good reminder, especially when I start to become complacent or let negativity creep into my day. It reminds me that I have so much – and so many people – to be grateful for, that I have strength sometimes I forget, and that prayer and positive thinking can make a difference.  So, even though I may mostly write when things are wrong, it eventually helps me see what’s right – and, if you ask me, there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

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