Fear Factor

My life is a lot scarier these days than it used to be. If I get a weird pain or a suspicious spot on my skin – I can’t help but wonder – “is it Cancer?? Did it come back??” Things that I wouldn’t think twice about before my cancer diagnosis, can now send a wave of panic ripping through me. For example, I recently developed this strange clicking noise in my left ear. I mentioned it to my primary doctor, who x-rayed me and told me it was an inner ear infection and that antibiotics should clear right up. Well, they didn’t. It persisted and I eventually mentioned it to my Oncologist’s ARNP at one of my check ups. She prescribed me ear drops and said I might need to follow up with an ENT if they didn’t work. They didn’t. I was so busy going to all my other doctors and losing time at work that I just decided to deal with the strange sound in my ear. Of course, in the back of my mind I’m thinking crazy stuff, like- “what if it’s a brain tumor!” I mean, I have known people who went through cancer in one area of their body, only to have it pop up in their brain, so it wasn’t all that far-fetched, if you ask me. Again, I went to my primary, this time with a sinus infection, and mentioned the clicking in my ear to his ARNP. He gave me antibiotics again and said not to worry about an ENT. A few days after that, I was at another routine check up with my Oncologist and I mentioned the weird sound in my ear. After finding out that it had been going on for over a year and that I was getting frequent colds, she said, ” I bet you have a sinus polyp. Go get yourself an MRI and see an ENT.” Long story short, I had the MRI, I do have a polyp, I saw an ENT, he said the clicking is tinnitus and there’s not much to do about it and I don’t have a brain tumor. Whew. Anyway, I’m getting used to the fact that now fear is a permanent part of my post-cancer life. But I have to figure out how to live with that daily fear and not let it rule me. Actually, I’m a lot less fearful, overall, since I beat cancer. I don’t let the little things spook me as much as before because I know I’ve faced the scariest thing in my life and beaten it. But, fear of cancer coming back is a reality for me and, to avoid going bonkers, I need to use that fear to my advantage. I need to use it to motivate me to take care of myself and do all that I can to stay healthy. I just finished reading Veronica Roth’s Divergent series and a quote by one of the main characters really caught my attention :”fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.” Well, I’m wide awake now, thank you!  And trying hard every day not to let my fear shut me down.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

WordCamp Tampa 2016

September 10-11, 2016

Undiagnosed Warrior

Be brave, little fighter. There's a warrior within you.

the little wolf hunter

Living with lupus, hunting for answers

This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

courage grace and humor

surviving and thriving after cancer

abravenewweek

One woman and her positive way to tackle chronic pain

(Not) Another Lupus Blog

A lupus blog featuring cats, glitter, and other important things.

4utu

It's Your Life. Drive!

Lupieliving

living with lupus, day by day, moment by moment

Seta Health

Empowering you to live your healthiest life

jerry-mahoney.com

Author, ranter, dad

Life Despite Lupus

Change is not a dirty word/ Motivation for lupus warriors

hopenotfearblog

choose HOPE not FEAR !... My journey through my battle with breast cancer.

Excel Exposure

Free Online Excel Training!

Sick and Sick of It

But Still Living The Life

MindSync

True Life Revealed From Every Angle

Tammy Carmona

Living Life With Metastatic Breast Cancer

Loopie Life

Living a life with Lupus

%d bloggers like this: