The “weighting” game

I’m going to start by making a controversial statement that might make some people upset – especially ladies: I have never, ever had to worry about my weight, as a matter of fact, i have never been on a diet, have worn the same size since high school, and don’t even own a scale.  If anything, I’ve always had a problem gaining weight, and could always lose weight without even trying.  When I’ve shared this with others in the past, they typically roll their eyes and mutter some variation of “I hate you”.  I realize that I’ve been fortunate in not having to worry about my weight or body image – until now.  After chemotherapy and being thrown into early menopause, I gained some weight.  I got my appetite back after chemo was over and started eating whatever I wanted (which is always what I was able to do in the past). I also began eating meat – I had been a vegetarian for over 20 years prior to being diagnosed with breast cancer.  The type of cancer I had was estrogen positive, so my doctor advised me that I have to avoid soy products – which is the main ingredient in the food I was eating as meat substitutes (like Boca Burgers).  So, I begrudgingly began to eat chicken and turkey (and the occasional meatball sandwich) in order to get my protein. 

After a while, my body adjusted and settled into its new weight – which was more than before I got sick, but I still felt ok and was happy with how I looked and felt.  Well, now I’ve been on prednisone for awhile to treat my Lupus, which has been annoyingly more active lately.  And, even more annoyingly, I have gained more weight and, for the first time in my life, feel uncomfortable and don’t like the way my body looks.  Add in the scar from my mastectomy, the spots on my skin from the chemo and my ongoing hot flashes, and I have to admit that my body image is not what it used to be.  When I mentioned this to a friend of mine, the response I got was, “welcome to my world”.  Well, this is a strange, new world for me.  I have to figure out how to be happy and healthy in this world, especially since I’ll be on meds for the rest of my life and my body has changed forever thanks to cancer, Lupus and menopause.  Guess I’ll be grateful for the years I didn’t have to worry about all this and accept the fact that things have changed. And I guess I’ll actually use my gym membership. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the kitchen to have a chili dog and a chocolate sundae – hey, might as well enjoy my new world! 
I’ll go to the gym tomorrow…




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