JOURNAL ENTRY: WED, JULY 6TH, 2011

 

It took me awhile to start writing, which is odd because I used to write so much when I was younger and didn’t feel well.  I think I was just in shock at first, then in survival mode after that.  I’m sitting at the beach now – it’s cloudy and breezy – just stopped raining a little.  Feels good being here and to be writing again.  At first I thought I should be writing down deep thoughts and insights from all the time I’ve had to reflect on things since I’ve been dealing with this breast cancer thing, for lack of a better word.  So, I didn’t write anything.  But, I guess I just wasn’t ready – and, honestly, I haven’t done much reflecting.  I think I was so scared in the beginning, then so relieved when I found out it was curable, then so wiped out from all the tests, doctor’s appointments, surgeries and chemo, that I haven’t been spending much time “soul searching.” What I have realized is I am a strong woman with a strong partner and family.  I learned a long time ago how important attitude and perception are in dealing with physical pain and illness. Shaving my head didn’t really bother me – it was kind of freeing, and I don’t mind the way I look bald. I know in my heart I will be ok – I felt that deep inside when I was first diagnosed in April.  Things could always be worse, and, like my Dad used to say, “every day above ground is a good day.” How very true, Dad

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